Dear Hoswizzle,
I recently had my first love experience. It was far from the fairy tale storyline. As a matter of fact it was so uniquely horrible i could probably make money off it. However, despite the misery it was the strongest, most intense feeling I've ever felt in my life. It consumed me and effected every aspect of my life (in a negative nature for the most part) My grades plummeted, my athletic performance spiraled downward, and my relationships with everyone else around me suffered. I was so drained from trying to pretend i was okay that there were many days i just couldn't get out of bed. Enough of the bad news. The good news is that I got through it and got over it. But have I really? I remember when just the thought of me possibly being happy with someone else caused me to panic and quickly brush the thought to the side because it hurt so much to think about the possibility of me moving on to someone who....actually made me smile more than cry. Now i have NO desire to be with this person anymore. I still care about him, but I'm finally turned off by the way he treated me and it only took me over a year. Now, i find myself unhappy and i really couldn't figure out why until yesterday. It's not because i want him back, or because i want someone else. It's because I feel sad that I went through all that intense emotion and not only the person, but the feeling that was once so much a part of my life is completely gone. Not even a friendship remains. I haven't finished evaluating my sentiments about this topic. It sounds too superficial and cliche to say i miss being in love, especially since it was such a miserable experience. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that i highly doubt that i'll ever fall that deep ever again. I fell quickly, gave it everything, trusted blindly, and loved unconditionally. I don't think anyone will want to attempt to break down all the barriers i built as a result of my first less than lovely experience. I'm not bitter, I'm not angry, I'm not vengeful, or regretful. I guess i'm still trying to find a word that can capture how i feel after the love is gone.
Fairy Tale is a Fairy Tale for a reason. There is rarely happy endings. That is all Based on how you define Happiness. Even in your wedding vows it states "Till Death Do Us Part" Death is never portrayed as a happy event in life. It Clearly represents the end of something(Happiness)
Forgiven but never forgotten. People always say that they want the thought gone from their minds. What they don't know it is scientifically impossible for a thought to be forgotten. The brain works in the way that certain things can trigger a thought or a memory. It is impossible to rewrite the past but you can surely shape the future. So never think of an event in life as a crutch but instead a strength that gives you your individuality!!!
